there is no sunshine when the sun is gone

The sun is gone away. There is nothing we can do until April. The only solution is to hide away, grow hair, and keep warm. I'm doing my part. I hope the rest of the humans will also hibernate because I do not want to fall behind in evolution. If I am hibernating (let us be honest with one another... there is no if, I am totally hibernating) and the rest of the world does not, then I will fall behind in the rhinoceros race. In reality it will not matter because I am so far advanced in rhinoceros evolution that I could take a few years off and still be ahead. I better get to packing a basket full of warm little bizkits and hot beverages and then I will be on my way. I will miss you all dearly, but do not worry, I will write from my cave or spider hole.

polar ice caps

"Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative." -Kurt Vonnegut

Humans. Humans. They are out of their minds or maybe completely in their minds. Here's the problem. In our attempt at individuality or standing up for a particular cause we push everyone else away and down. We polarize ourselves. It's like if we are better than everyone else things will be good. But that's not true. Then you make other people want to take you down, and the cycle continues. We need some human stew. You know how they used to talk about the melting pot. Each flavor makes the stew taste better. But not if we have too much of one flavor that drowns out the others. Add some rice and beans and some humans and you have yourself a fine well balanced meal. Man... I am getting hungry thinking of this. Add some carrots and spices and a little bit of meat. Then some nice dessert. I'd like a peanut butter chocolate shake right now... ok that was a little off the topic. Humans love to eat. We should be able to relate to this concept. If our stew combines all the flavors it will taste better. Time for lunch.

you can grow one too

The other night I told people with whom I was hanging out that I just started growing my beard a few days ago. They were like "wow... that is impressive." All the guys were jealous and rightfully so, I mean how manly am I to grow a HUGE beard in like 3 days. It may not have even taken that long. I lose track when it gets going that fast, like POOF! BOOM! and there it is, a full beard like a small pillow on my face. Nice and comfortable.

Centralization

I am not one for political blogging. I find it quite boring and repetitive. But I found this Op-Ed in the NY Times quite beneficial. I just thought I'd pass it on to you all.

It breaks down the Bush/Kerry presidential race into what I think it is: centralization vs. decentralization. They have two opposing ideologies.

"One is based on a presumption of a world in which individuals and nations should be self-reliant and free to develop their own capacities - forming voluntary associations when they want - without being overly coerced by national or global elites. The other is based on the presumption of a crowded world, which emphasizes that no individual or nation can go off and do as it pleases, but should work instead within governing institutions that establish norms and provide security."

Check it out.

a story

Once upon a time there was a boy. He was part human, part robot, and part dinosaur. The dinosaur was a Hibernasaurus. The basic traits of this class of dinosaur are eating and sleeping during the colder months. The Hibernasaurus is one of the few dinosaurs left roaming the earth. As the colder months crept upon the boy, his dinosaur side came out in a ferocious display of hibernation, which in reality isn't very ferocious at all, but the opposite of ferocity. The dinosaur was getting his mildness on in a major way in the beginning of the 10th lunar month. As we all know robots are very violent and active creatures, so this exhibition of slothful activity made the robot very displeased with the dinosaur. The robot shot his rocket fists into the dinosaur. The dinosaur died. Then the boy turned into a humanbot or a humanoid because the dinosaur was no longer a part of him to keep the tenderness alive. The boy could no longer relate to humankind. And he was very angry.

Oh yeah. The boy also met a human girl who had a thing for humanoids and they fell in love and had baby robots. The End.

Author's Note: This very well could be an autobiography. COULD BE! I'm not saying it is.

please don't strike me down

My intention for the title of this blog was to follow it up with a detailed account of the most awesome action dream I have ever had. Probably the most awesome action dream EVER had by ANYONE. After a small internal debate, which I lost (yes I realize losing to myself isn't something I should announce), I have decided not to post it. I'll just leave you with two thoughts: a flaming head and a samurai army.

"Are you the bomb diggity?"

Here I sit in the warehouse minding my own business, dutifully working away the best years of my life. Every now and then, if I am lucky, one of the technicians (or engineers) will pop their head in my office and share something with me. Yesterday I was audience to one of the best pop-ins ever beheld by the human senses.

REMINDER: THIS CONVERSATION WAS CONDUCTED IN ALL SERIOUSNESS. NO GIGGLING, NO SMILING, JUST STRAIGHT WORK TALK.

EIT (engineer in training): Are you the bomb diggity?
Me: Actually, yes, yes I am.
EIT: Cool, I've always heard about the bomb diggity but I've never actually met him... well... see ya.

Ethereal Floating

Remember when I asked about the word euphoria the other day? Well I think I have found an answer. The word is ethereal. I often find myself in a state of etherealness. Floating and drifting.

"Characterized by lightness and insubstantiality; intangible. Of the celestial spheres; heavenly. Not of this world; spiritual."

Floating away from the earth's surface imposes a different set of rules or lack of rules on the floatee. One is no longer bound by society's definition of who one is or one ought to be. There is an overwhelming feeling of weakness, both physically and spiritually (composed of emotional, mental, and spiritual elements i.e. the soul) when confronted with the power of this realm. The difficulty lies in facing the earthly realm in which the physical body still resides while floating in this ethereal existence. The inability to meet the standards of the real world provides an environment of internal warfare. Here I am floating in this beautiful light blue crisp sky with out a care in the world, but the ugly ground keeps reaching up at me, attempting to remove me from the clouds. Unfortunately, because I have given up all defenses and weapons in order to feel the pleasant ethereal euphoria, I cannot keep myself from crashing back down to earth when its forces become too persistent.

"The pathologist hasn't called yet, they sent it into the Armed Forces Pathology Institute for a second opinion."

I've been patient for long enough. I was anticipating a grandiose post to announce the total and utter annihilation of the alien baby (and it's subsequent sale to Satan), but he just won't leave. This supposed "lymph node" they took out of my neck is now being tested by the Armed Forces Pathology Institute. Maybe they think I'm clueless to what is growing in my body. They think they are going to get the alien baby to study and perform research. I fear for them if they think they are going to steal Satan's booty just like that. He won't be very pleased to say the least and he knows that I can't do anything about it because it's the government right? But luckily Satan runs the government so he can manipulate them to retrieve what is rightfully his. I'm also anxious to hear the report from the pathologist to see whether or not they got all of the alien out this time. Chances are they only took his main nerve center for their purposes and left the rest of the rotting, poisonous parts in my body. Why are they so selfish like that?

Euphoria

I'm looking for a word and I'm thinking that maybe some of you wordsmiths out there can give me a hand. A word that is similar to euphoria but with more floating involved. Dictionary.com defines euphoria as "A feeling of great happiness or well-being." While that definitely describes the feeling I'm looking to express, I need something a little more... ummm... light, floating, and drifting. Any ideas? Imagine a perfectly light blue sky at the beginning of fall, and now you are floating through that sky at your command. It's not too cold, nor is it too hot, it's just right... OK! Now tell me what word describes this! Go!

i've got green and i've got blues

The Smithsonians Group has officially been buried. Thank you all for the time and effort spent with it. I'd like to do something similar soon. If you have any suggestions or would like to be involved in the creation, please email me or just comment here. In the meantime, I will post the five most recently published blogs here on my blog. Online discussion is becoming a prominent method of communication. Few have mastered the art of efficient and effective online discussion. As a step closer to the goal of having meaningful online discussion, Howard Rheingold has provided a well thought list of ideas to improve hosting of such discussions. I'll put the list out there for your reading as I am currently studying it as well. Let me know what you think. Is this a useful means of communication? Should we be putting effort into improving our methods in this vein?

by some ungodly cataclysmic event, i won

so i have been in this argument with an acquaintance of mine for about 6 months now. it goes back and forth, month to month. i hate you, i hate you not. to be honest, i'm running out of petals. luckily in this day and age, argument can be conducted electronically and we never have to see each other. the part where it starts to get weird is this: i'm not contributing to the argument. i don't say a word, not only do i not say a word but i don't type or write or anything else a word either. i feel bad for not participating in this power struggle because it is not my intention to hurt them by making them look ridiculous. i just wanted to announce that this month by some ungodly cataclysmic event, i won. go me. urggghhh...

Zach's Blog

He is seriously so funny. I encourage everyone to go check out his Garden State blog.

I've heard one **** before, but ever since I heard the second one I've had this insatiable desire to rob a liquor store and refer to all women as "ho's".
-Zachary Braff

"Your mom goes to college."

Two movies of the summer that you may or may not MUST SEE.

Napoleon Dynamite- A fantasy boy in his fantastic world. The first movie I have ever seen more than once in the theater. I've seen it three times. Maybe I should find it bootlegged. The real reason I keep going back, besides it being the tightest spot between a queer and a cowboy (thanks bobby), is so that I can take more people. There are certain things that should be shared with loved ones, Napoleon is one of them. In today's popular culture we are fond of quoting movies to the delight of our associates. If anything, this movie is quotable. In fact, every single line from this movie is a valid soundbite, it's just that vivid and memorable. It's pretty much the best movie ever made. It's weird, it's creepy, it's clean to an extreme, and it's hilarious. MTV's Kurt Loder called it a "revelation." I call it another installment in movies that succeed because of their skewed, ridiculous view of "cool."
Mount Bensuvius Rating: 7.5 VEI* (Super Colossal approaching Mega Colossal)

The Garden State- Starring Zachary Braff and Natalie Portman. You know the guy from Scrubs? Well this is his baby. He wrote and directed it. It has his humor written all over it. And that is a good thing. It's New Jersey and suburbia. It's everyone you know that never moved out, that never went to college, and still parties with the high school kids. To sum it up, it's about everyone that never moved on. So what if that's me. Maybe that's why I liked it so much. Hilarity only describes half of the movie. The other half is touching (it touched me, and no it wasn't inappropriate touching) and inspirational. Touching because we can all relate to the inability to communicate with other human beings and the difficulty of opening up to said beings. Thankfully self deprecation can be a great communicator.
Mount Bensuvius Rating: 7 VEI* (Super Colossal)

*Volcanic Explosivity Index (Read more here)

phlow

no one will find us in this

how come you started a lap ahead?

Yes we all get the opportunity to jump the 43rd hurdle on the 5th lap, but some of us start at the 42nd hurdle thereby making the 43rd a lot easier to tackle. Others of us start at the Starting Line and have to run a mile and 42 other hurdles first, making that 43rd, or even the 10th for that matter, nearly impossible to jump.

"Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. "
Barry Switzer

Spitz Suflower Seeds

A possible cure.

the cliche' king

does anything come out of your mouth that hasn't been reduced, reused, and recycled? environmentally friendly you may be... but where is the original content that i paid for?

used to be a killer, best killer in the land...

it is not the many, but the one. it is not the quantity, but the quality. it only takes one to shut us down. one day, one event can cause us to retire. after you have perfected what it is you do, what is there left to do? the smell of competition, the taste of winning... no longer brings me pleasure. everything you hold close is negotiable. it is done.

...she was the most beautiful thing that i have ever killed.

sellout

"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity."
Bill Vaughan