Thursday, January 29, 2004

i'm embarrassed for myself

ok today is the day. i have to come out about some of my deepest, darkest secrets. why do i have to do this? NO IDEA. Here it goes:

1. Music- I listened to the New Kids. Yes Moses that is NKOTB to you. I listened to Richard Marxx, Debbie Gibson, and maybe even Tiffany, although i've blocked most of that out. I rocked MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, and Kriss Kross. I even had tapes of ABC and HI-Five. I think I am coming to these realizations because today I am listening to Iron Maiden. I missed out on rock n' roll while I was pop rocking around.

2. Literature (if you can call it that)- I read almost the entires series of Baby Sitter's Club. I also read the Mormon Girly Novel Series. Titles like Charly and Mandy (maybe).

3. Toys- I played with Barbies. Usually in conjunction with GI Joes or scissors, but i did play with Barbies.

I place the blame upon my older sister mostly. But then... it was ok for her to like all these things. So I must return the blame to myself.

Friday, January 23, 2004

dreams of drowning

WARNING: two dirty words, the dirtiest of dirty

you're following too close behind
why don't you just pass?
and you're falling too close in front
this middle finger still means f**k you
still the finger barely scratches the surface
where those wonderful lies seem real
only because they won't tell how they feel
but i know, oh i do know
deep down inside
they are just like you and i
just wanting and waiting to die
i can't talk enough to answer all their frowning
they wouldn't want to hear that i dream of drowning

drowning while i hold your hand
let's go away again
let's go on that trip in the making
it'll take forever
it's the last chance to calm my shaking
but never be enough to take me far enough away

everything is better under warm covers
so when we go down let's hope that water is warm
please you have to come with me this time
there's plenty of room for two
all my doubts will be complete
and your tears won't matter underneath
just two bright smiles
and more than enough miles
to resolve our worst fears
maybe you don't want to hear i dream of drowning

drowning while i hold your hand
let's go away again
let's go on that trip in the making
it'll take forever
it's the last chance to calm my shaking
but never be enough to take me far enough away

lack of sleep has beat me for the last time
and your hand keeps slipping out of mine
i'll be on my way now
don't come following too close
or falling in front
because this finger still means f**k you
i should've known i was going too far
for anyone to follow
this road is much too long
and colder than i remembered
my violent shaking hands and endless doubts
never went away
nobody will ever hear that i ever dream of drowning

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

when it rains, it pours

a bad day is in order every now and then. you have to have a bad one to appreciate the good ones. today is that day. it's like the worst things that could happen, happen. just yesterday bobby, haagy, and i were discussing how we can't get rid of the bitter cold winter because the warmth of summer wouldn't be as enjoyable. i love the opposition. for all of you reading that know me, don't believe that today is bad because of things happening personally to me. it's not me... it's everyone around me... and my cursed empathy is what makes the day bad for me.

"bury his body in the ol' sinkhole, bury his body in the ol' sinkhole." -DBT

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

the tragedy of hate

hate is tragic... don't let it eat you like a swine

Friday, January 16, 2004

Maybe i still am emo

maybe i am obsessive. maybe i still do find romance in odd things like a suicide. if we didn't hear it in his music, elliot smith left no doubt to us that his heart was in pain. i mean honestly, if you are going to committ suicide due to heartbreak... this would be the way to do it. depression and drugs are a very dangerous thing. god rest his crying soul. RIP ES 1969-2003... he stabbed himself in the heart

Postal Service

If you've been around myself or the beatsmith lately you've probably heard us mention the postal service. Great music and, as made evidence by this article on, very clever little political buggers as well. Jam their stuff, rock it in your head. It'll make you want to write a song. Electronica making love with indie pop. I can't stop listening.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

the temporary death

i wrote you a letter
although i knew much more than better
by the time i was done you had already left
and i was alone again with the temporary death
nobody would know it's not a novelty
he's the only one that can stomach my love's poverty
and why can't it keep a roof overhead?
in not so many words my heart is dead
but i didn't do it on purpose
the truth is when i shot, i missed
when the metal was gone
i had to keep swinging
i had to keep filling those buckets you were bringing
because i know you wouldn't hit first
even if worse did come to worst
and that's when it died
because i forgot to let go and i tried

the is one of my circles that i don't want to complete
but the ends always seem to meet
it happened before when i wrote her a letter
and maybe then i didn't know any better
she was gone too
just like you
but i had to finish the race
what if somewhere at the end i did see her face?
i never did and i never will
i will never feel
because i always hit first and start the fight
then it gets dark because you turn off the light
when morning comes and i finally see
you were never there i was just fighting me

that's when i started thinking that it would probably be best
if i laid down to rest
now i know that is the temporary death
we've come to get along quite well
although when it started it was like dreaming in hell
i think those are called nightmares to the masses
to me it's just how the time passes
some up, a lot of down
a few smiles and no tears to drown
don't let them tell you change doesn't happen overnight
because it does and you do and i won't
it does and you do and i can't

Friday, January 09, 2004

The Smithsonians

Due to the high activity and commenting i've opened up a message board and forum. Please if you aren't already a member or haven't received an email from me, petition me for membership, you will be accepted. The blogs will be used as topic mining fields so don't forget to keep your blogs alive.

Thursday, January 08, 2004


now that i have your attention, i have a few words to say. first of all i want to thank all of you for being part of this blog community we have started. specifically those of you that have blogs: shaniqua, moses, haagy, and dotty inc. the ss has risen to new levels in our recent debates. prayer parties, religious culture vs. doctrine, love not hate, sleeping in too late like the children of israel and worshipping golden calves (spelling? i know all you grammar/spelling zealots out there will correct me as soon as i make a mistake so please feel free to help me out with that one). secondly, i used to shy away from opposing views, arguments, and heated debates and the questions they sparked in my head... but now i know that the more questions that are sparked the more answers i will find.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

You know you've made it when...

ok everyone we've got some new links up. let's give them some congratulatory comments, specifically i'd like some comments on shaniqua's "i'm too lazy to get out of bed before 10" post. moses is entering a new era, but be warned this blog contains explicit content, those that are easily offended might want to stay away, that'll probably get more of you there. enjoy and remember... it's LOVE this year, not HATE.

Monday, January 05, 2004

the dream is over

the year has ended, the year has begun. what was a life of dreaming and fantasy has now been replaced by a new life, the new era. i believe it's called dreams in action. it consists of actually working towards the dream as opposed to dreaming the dream. the dream has now become larger than life itself. i have spent a long time dreaming up this dream. the problem with only dreaming is the dream gets bigger and further away because it's never accompanied by action. now back on earth i look for the dream, it appears to be the moon or maybe another celestial body. a little more difficult than i thought it might be, but it's a lot easier getting there by traveling towards it rather than letting it get bigger and more distant. welcome to 2004 everyone. i hope we learn to love each other a little more, and hate a lot less. down with hate!