Monday, June 21, 2004

who are we...

who are you to decide what is right and wrong for everyone else? who am i to decide that you don't fit the bill? who are we to tell everyone how they must live their lives? is it that hard to listen? is it that difficult to lay down arrogance? don't we all live on this planet together? why can't i see more than just 3 feet in front of me? what is this "bigger picture" i'm supposed to see? what if it's too big to fit on my screen? what if i'm too big to fit in the film? pushing and shoving to make it all match. making the corners fit together just as nicely as their 90 degree angles. there is just too much to fit into the container. there is just too little to merit such a large container.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

The Beautiful Faces of Competition

Here we see Kobe imitating Beloki (last summer's greatest face of competition).

The original BelokiWitted. Such pain, such anguish. Notice the similarity to Kobe above.

The message they are trying to convey to the world, "Boom Baca, I got served."

Friday, June 11, 2004

"Smells like something's burning, smelled that way before..."

Today is Fun Day + 2. Or F-Day + 2. There is only one problem with this day... it should be called Smell Day. The attack of the aromas began this morning when I woke up, probably because I only bathe every other day. Now most of you might think that is not very hygienic, but much like those of medieval times, I believe that bathing makes you sick. The dirtier you are the less diseases will invade your tabernacle of clay. So I smelled myself this morning and it was surprisingly pleasant. But I knew I had to stick to my schedule of every other day... I smell good today. Like a freshly opened stick of deodorant. I smell so good you could rub me on your armpits and smell better yourself. And come to think of it, my bald head would probably fit nicely into that body cavity... which reminds me, I smelled some mad B.O. today. Sometimes I really enjoy human body odor, as intoxicating as it is, it makes me feel alive. But what I smelled today was like the onion brand of humanness. I can't find it within me to appreciate that. This morning as the train came by and I boarded, my nasal passages were crowded with hot dog water smell. And although I am a connoisseur of many smells... that is not one of my favorites. Then today at lunch, like most days, someone heats up some sort of frozen fish food meal in the microwave. I haven't smelled food smelling that bad since the Germany days of the BO Burrito. Good mother of mercy! It was terrible. And just then when I thought Smell Day couldn't get any better... there was a definite distribution of gurgley vomit burps. Happy Smell Day.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Baby Update

I birthed about 15 pounds of my alien baby. He is a lot bigger than I had originally planned for... about 45 pounds total. So I've decided to birth him in parts. 15 pounds was one arm. Yeah I know... he's not going to be attractive. Many of you may be wondering why it has taken so long. I'd like to take this time to explain. Little Alien found out I was going to trade him to Satan for my soul. Needless to say he was not pleased about this. We had talked about all the fun things we would do as Father/Mother and Alien Baby. He was disappointed that he would have to be potty trained by Satan and extremely dismayed that Satan would be the one teaching him how to tie his shoes. He didn't like the sound of a fire and brimstone tricycle. All of these things kept adding up in his little alien brain and he finally told me he wasn't coming out unless I agreed to keep him. I haven't completely agreed to keep him which is why it took me so long to just birth one arm. Try birthing a baby with that weighs 45 pounds against his will. NOT EASY! Anyway... just wanted to let you all know, I'm working on it.

by the way: Blogger spell check is TERRIBLE. Their substitute for TRICYCLE (which according to Microsoft Word is spelled correctly) is TRAGICALLY. hmmmm... yeah

Its just knot write.

I like to spell phonetically sometimes. It doesn't make me spell poorly, I just spell the wrong words. Let's see what else... I went two the U-tang four a week. I encourage desert haters too go during the spring. The mountains are absolutely beautiful, like giant dumplings with perfect astro-turf spread across them, or like those model train set hills. like someone hand glued green trees and grass to every inch of them. I used to think Chipotle was the best Chipotle-like food ever, but after partaking of Cafe Rio, I think that Cafe Rio is the Chipotle Champion. Kinda odd how you can lose your own award. I also got really really sunburned. It's so fun to be bald and get a sunburn on your scalp. Then you peel it's like MASSIVE dandruff. I'm talking like quarter and half dollar sized pieces of leprosy head just falling off. Not necessarily socially acceptable, butt very fun.