Friday, October 31, 2003

Play that Dead Band's Song

Do you ever wake up in the morning and ask yourself "what happened to rock and roll"?? Well to be quite honest I rarely ask myself that question because I don't know what rock and roll is. In the past I have even been told that what I might call rock and roll is soft rock, even adult contemporary (nothing quite conjures the image of John Tesh as quickly as the mention of that genre)... OFFENSIVE! yeah I know, but the fact that I thought that was funny proves I am no rocker. My point here is this: if you do ask yourself where the good rock and roll is, I have the answer. Three simple words DRIVE BY TRUCKERS. I ventured to see them for a third time last night. It was worth the drive to Baltimore several times over. They rocked and thrashed about for nearly 3 energetic hours. Those good ol boys from Alabama took my hearing from me. If you love the south, the truth, and ass shakin rock n roll you've found your salvation. I know I've found mine.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Our Needy Celebrities

A number of our brilliant celebrities have come up with the perfect ideas for the future of technology. The link will lead you to the article but then you have to navigate through a list of "related articles" authored by the celebrities. Margaret Cho is particularly realistic in her technological wish list.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Destruction is a Form of Creation

For all you would be artists out there, creators of beauty, it's time to write your first novel. I'm not sure I'll be participating this year, but in the future it is definitely a goal of mine. Put the pressure on yourself.

Friday, October 24, 2003

Cave Troll

Bobby Steels rolling through the office all nonchalant, minding his own business. Now, in order to understand the gravity of this incident you must be introduced to the Mighty's Cave Troll. A large man, an old man, a grievously fat man. As is the case with many larger men, he enlists the support of suspenders to hold up his cloth coverings, also known as "pants". He is somewhat awkward in his relations with coworkers. He mumbles and roars like a cave troll would. He also has been known to abuse Bobby by asking him questions that nobody has the answers to and assigning him tasks that are not in his field of expertise. Back to Bobby rolling through the halls... the cave troll runs into an unexpected turn of events. Under the strain of his mass, his suspenders pop off of his pants and they go plunging to the floor. With one burly arm he reaches back to pull his trousers into a non threatening position, but now what? He is much too rotund to use the other arm to latch the suspender back on. Unsuspecting Mr. Steeles himself comes into the picture and lo and behold the cave troll pleads with him to latch the suspender back onto his pants. Not only does Bobby have to endure the unsightly horror of the cave troll on edge of losing his pants at any second, he also has been asked to participate in an action that would involve touching the creature's body. God bless his soul, Bobby takes action... he respectfully grabs the fastener and quickly latches it securely to the beasts panty line. Afterwards Bobby was seen nursing his hand back to health from the severe burns that were suffered due to the acidic nature of the troll's skin and nether regions. (TRUE STORY: names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Tradition

In my monthly tradition I come to you again. You being my people. You meaning those of you that could be anywhere in the world at this moment but you have chosen to be here with me. I promise it will be worth your while. I have engaged in verbal warfare in this last month on a number of occasions. Usually with the age old opponent, Ghandi X aka Candlestick. Sometimes I wonder if SS is truly the enlightened path. There are several active participants in the SS movement that make me wonder if Lucifer himself is not at the helm. A continuous perpetuator of SS, Ludacris, has put out another ENTIRE album of SS sometimes only with the one S. This man is foolish. He looks goofy, he raps about the stupidest things, and did I mention... He looks like martin Lawrence had a baby with a puppy panda. I mean I don't meant to hate, but the man is selling albums rapping about midgets and chicken and "dirty" dancing. SS is supposed to make the world a better place... Where have I gone wrong?