"Smells like something's burning, smelled that way before..."

Today is Fun Day + 2. Or F-Day + 2. There is only one problem with this day... it should be called Smell Day. The attack of the aromas began this morning when I woke up, probably because I only bathe every other day. Now most of you might think that is not very hygienic, but much like those of medieval times, I believe that bathing makes you sick. The dirtier you are the less diseases will invade your tabernacle of clay. So I smelled myself this morning and it was surprisingly pleasant. But I knew I had to stick to my schedule of every other day... I smell good today. Like a freshly opened stick of deodorant. I smell so good you could rub me on your armpits and smell better yourself. And come to think of it, my bald head would probably fit nicely into that body cavity... which reminds me, I smelled some mad B.O. today. Sometimes I really enjoy human body odor, as intoxicating as it is, it makes me feel alive. But what I smelled today was like the onion brand of humanness. I can't find it within me to appreciate that. This morning as the train came by and I boarded, my nasal passages were crowded with hot dog water smell. And although I am a connoisseur of many smells... that is not one of my favorites. Then today at lunch, like most days, someone heats up some sort of frozen fish food meal in the microwave. I haven't smelled food smelling that bad since the Germany days of the BO Burrito. Good mother of mercy! It was terrible. And just then when I thought Smell Day couldn't get any better... there was a definite distribution of gurgley vomit burps. Happy Smell Day.