Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Hustle and Putt

I am not a golfer. In the past I have been know to refer to the game of golf as "a rich white man's sport." At my current place of employment, upper management has made a recent habit of putting in the hallways. Last week when the power went out (which it tends to do on a monthly basis) they set up a 25 foot putting competition. I watched as each of my colleagues grossly over or under estimated their putting attempts. One fellow's closest attempt hit a kind lady in the foot about 10 feet behind the putting cup. My associates taunted me and offered me the putter. I politely declined each offer. I do not mind embarrassing myself on the internet, but at work I try to maintain a certain cool composure. All of these men are golf guys. You know the kind, various golf memorabilia on their office walls. You can catch them actually watching the PGA tournaments on their computers at work. These guys dedicate spring/summer/fall weekends to improving their "short game" (whatever that means). I did not have a chance against them. I have not even played miniature golf in over a year. Their incessant badgering and peer pressure finally worked. I stepped on to the "green" (actually a weird like navy blue checked brown carpet, you know, like office carpet always looks).

I decided to get it over with quickly so I teed up and took my first stroke with no practice swing. The ball gently rolled towards the cup and IT WENT IN! Surely this was beginner's luck. BUT NO! I went on to sink 4 out of 5 putts. I was easily the best putter in the building. My associates were amazed and worried about me hustling them in a variety of other activities. Who knew that a simple task such as putting could strike fear into the hearts of men? Men do not like to have an inferior beat them at their own game (see also: Saturday Soccer Matches). I do already have the putting game down, how hard can the rest of it be? I will just practice up on my "short game" and I should be destroying my work mates on the links in no time.

I already have the "white man" part down, perhaps the "rich" part only comes after playing the sport. I am definitely willing to find out.


shaniqua said...

watch out tiger woods.

Il Duce said...

i want to say it was ernest hemingway who said that golf was a way to ruin a perfectly good walk in the park.

and lets face it. a sport that is constantly referring to holes, drivers, woods (i'm gonna a need a 1 wood for this drive. its a tricky hole), short game (and presumably long game), and where the best score is usually a negative number - has some pretty perverse problems. i would advise continued distance from the game.

Dottie said...

I have to second Moses on that one. Funny thing is, back with the Sega 32X was the shite (if it ever was) I owned a golf game (because it was one of the handful of games that exsisted for that system) and I actually enjoyed playing it. However virutal reality and actual reality are two totally different things... right?